Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. But if you do, sleep in the bathtub …
If you are extremely drunk and swear you will never drink too much again, you will forget this when you are sober.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “Government.”
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” If you don’t understand this, try putting up your own blog.
You’d better get all your sex here on earth because there won’t be any in heaven.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life. Or, work to life not live to work … but if you can’t follow this, email me your ladies phone number and I’ll keep her occupied while you are busy.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. We all need something to laugh about…
Never lick a steak knife, or a frozen...
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