Do you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate relationships with men who initially come on strong, only to turn out to be emotionally needy, just like her.
The problem is we attract people at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. Because Adrienne had never learned to take loving care of herself, she generally met men who were not taking care of themselves. When she finally did meet a man who was taking personal emotional responsibility, the relationship was short-lived. He soon lost interest in a woman who wanted him to make her happy.
As Adrienne and I worked together, it became apparent that she had spent her whole life taking emotionally responsibility for others her parents, her children, and her partners. In her belief system, she was supposed to make others happy and they were supposed to make her happy. But it never seemed to work out that way she never felt happy.
Adrienne also...