In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
1. I cant handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.
Part 2 was about the first of these beliefs learning how to handle pain. This article addresses the second and third beliefs I am unworthy and unlovable and Others are my source of love.
As small children, most of us decided that it was our fault when we didnt get the love we needed. We decided that there must be something basically and intrinsically wrong with us that caused our parents or other caregivers to not love us or to abuse us. Since we were too small to give ourselves the love and attention we needed, we were naturally dependent upon others for our survival. Deciding it was our fault that we were not being loved gave us the feeling of control: we could change ourselves and become the right way in order to get the love we needed. We put aside our wonderful essence and developed our ego/wounded self to try to have control...