Last week I attended an excellent 2-day workshop called “Staying Grounded When on the Spot,” offered by the Public Conversations Project, in Watertown, MA. Geared to help facilitators and trainers manage challenging group moments, I found that the skills applied in a variety of settings, including one-on-one communication “hot spots.”
When a conversation becomes difficult, I can return to a more centered, grounded state by asking two questions:
1) What is the purpose of my communication?
2) Will the choices I make serve that purpose?
Let’s try it. Think of a conversation that you need to hold but have been putting off because you’re concerned that it might not go well. What is your purpose for having the conversation? It helps to have a useful purpose. For example, trying to get the other person to change is not useful. You have no control over that. On the other hand, learning about his experience could be very useful.
What choices could you make to serve this purpose? Listening is a good start, and summarizing to clarify that you both heard the same thing. Asking questions that validate your partner and...
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