“I was up too late with my friend Peg last night,” Abigail told me in our phone session. “She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her.”
“How often does this happen?” I asked her.
“Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks.”
“Why do you continue to listen to her?”
“Isn’t that what a good friend does?”
“How do you feel when you listen to her?”
“Kind of stressed.”
“Do you see it helping her to vent to you over and over?’
“Well, she says she feels better after I listen to her.”
“Of course she feels better! She has just dumped all her stress onto you. She goes to sleep and you are up with her stress. But do you see anything actually changing in her life as a result of you allowing her to vent to you?”
“No!”
“Abigail, if what Peg wanted to do every couple of weeks was come over and get drunk at your house, would you allow this?”
“No! But that’s...