This is one of a series of brief articles on holding difficult conversations. In earlier issues of Ki Moments, I suggested ways to open communications that create mutual respect; we talked about the importance of knowing your purpose for the conversation; and we added Inquiry and Curiosity to our conversational toolbox. Here the topic is Advocacy.
Advocacy is the flip side of Inquiry the opportunity that you open for yourself to tell your story. What can you see from your perspective that they’ve missed? Can you clarify your position without minimizing theirs? For example: “From what you’ve told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that I’m not a team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, I’m thinking about its long-term success. I don’t mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intention is clear.”
Tips for sharing your side of things:
Wait to offer your side until your partner has expressed all his energy on the topic. Check to make sure he’s finished.
Remember your purpose...