How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, Youve got to lose weight, or You should get up earlier every morning and exercise, or Today I should get caught up on the bills, or Ive got to get rid of this clutter. Lets explore what happens in response to this voice.
We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, shoulding ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things right since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works.
Lets take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into...