Marilee, a client of mine, was commitment phobic. Id love to be in a loving relationship, she told me in one of our counseling sessions, but Im not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I dont want anyone telling me what I can or cant do. I dont want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. Its just not worth all the hassle.
Marcus, another of my clients, was also commitment phobic. When Im not in a relationship, thats all I can think about it. I really want someone to play with, to love and to grow with. But soon after getting into a relationship, I start to feel trapped. I feel like I cant do what I want to do and I start to resent the person for limiting me. Most of the time, she has no idea whats going on and is stunned by the break-up. She thought everything was fine. After leaving her, Im back to square one wanting to be in a relationship. This has happened over and over again.
Commitment phobia has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own. Once we...