“At work, every time I have to speak at meetings, I get so stressed.”
“Im taking a class and I’m always afraid to raise my hand and ask a question.”
“I’m fine one to one, but as soon as I get into a group, I’m so tense I can hardly stand it.”
“I’m totally relaxed with my women friends, but as soon as I’m with a guy I like, I can’t be myself.”
Each of these people are anxious and stressed because they want to get approval and avoid disapproval. What are they telling themselves that is causing their anxiety?
“Oh God, I better not forget what I want to say and make a fool of myself.”
“The teacher might think the question I want to ask is a dumb one.”
“If I say the wrong thing no one will like me.”
“I better not say something completely stupid.”
Each of these people are telling themselves things that are causing anxiety, and underneath these self-judgmental statements is a deeper belief:
“If I say or do something wrong or stupid, they won’t like me and that means I am not...