One of my clients, whose ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, asked me the following question:
I think I still love her, but is this love or just emotional dependency? Many times I ask myself if falling in love comes from the wounded self because (for me at least) it feels as if I cant live without the other person. When I give love from the heart I don’t expect anything back, but when I fall in love I think this is a different energy.
Falling in love can come from two different inner states. When you fall in love from the wounded self the ego self you are in love with how the other person loves you. You are handing over to the other person the responsibility for your self-worth and wellbeing, and if he or she does a good job of attending to you in the way you want to be attended to, then you may say you are in love. However, it is not so much the person you love, but how he or she loves you. When it feels as if you cant live without the other person, it is emotional dependency. The part of you that is in love is really a child or adolescent who is needy for love because you are not giving love to yourself or to others. There is an emptiness inside...
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