My experience from 37 years of counseling individuals and couples is that most of the problems from which people suffer stem from how they handle the events of life, rather than the events themselves.
Certainly traumatic and tragic events such as loss of loved ones, financial loss, and health issues are extremely challenging. However, some people manage to move through these events with equanimity, while others remain stuck in fear, anxiety, and depression. The difference is in how people handle deeply painful feelings.
I have discovered that there are two core feelings that most people will do almost anything to avoid feeling: loneliness and helplessness.
Loneliness is an intense empty, sad, sinking or burning feeling within. This feeling can be triggered by four different situations:
1) Loss of a loved one.
2) Not having a partner, family or friends with whom to share time and love.
3) Being around others but being closed off to them.
4) Being around others when they are closed off to you.
Other than a traumatic loss, the latter is often the most challenging in everyday life, and this can occur throughout the day. For...
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