Who said language doesn’t matter in making relationships work?
In an interview with Deborah Tannen, whose new book, You’re Wearing That?
Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation, has just hit the top sellers list, the New York Times and Tannen have this exchange:
“Q. Many of the women you’ve interviewed for your new book complain of mothers who criticize their appearance. Are they right to be annoyed?
A. “Right” and “wrong” aren’t words a linguist uses. My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail. The biggest complaint I hear from daughters is: ‘My mother’s always citicizing me.’ And the mother counters, ‘I can’t open my mouth; my daughter takes everything as criticism.’
But sometimes caring and criticism are found in the same words.
When mothers talk about their daughters’ appearance they are often doing it because they feel obligated to tell their daugher something that no one else will.
The mother feels she’s caring. The daughter feels criticized. They are both right.
What I try to...
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