Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about the distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didnt feel close to him.
I think the problem is that he often talks to me in a judgmental or condescending way. He sounds like a parent rather than a partner. I just hate being spoken to like that.
How do you respond when he speaks to you like that? I asked.
I withdraw and feel badly. Then later I sometimes try to talk with him about it, but he doesnt know what Im talking about. He thinks Im too sensitive and that I just want to blame him.
How often have you had the experience of not knowing what to say in conflict? Later, after thinking about it, you think of all the things you wish you would have said. Then you go back to your partner to try to deal with the issue, only to discover that its too late – your partner doesnt understand what you are talking about.
Maria, imagine that the part of you that hates being spoken to like Carl speaks to you is a small child. Would you let him speak to a child like that?
No. Actually, I dont let him speak to our children like that. He...
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