1. David Wrights tears cure AIDS. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. David Wright does not sleep. He waits.
3. The chief export of David Wright is pain.
4. David Wright has counted to infinity. Twice.
5. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Wright, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
6. Crop circles are David Wrights way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
7. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of beings David Wright allows to live.
8. David Wright is the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
9. The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodge ball David Wright played in second grade.
10. David Wright has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
11. Someone once tried to tell David Wright that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
12. David Wright is not hung like a...
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