Gina consulted with me because her marriage was falling apart. She had discovered that her husband was having yet another affair, and when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing their relationship.
Gina was financially independent and could easily leave. Their children were all adults. There was nothing to keep her in this marriage. Yet she was still there.
Gina, why are you staying in this marriage?
Because Im afraid to be alone.
I hear this time and time again from both men and women. Why are so many people afraid to be alone?
The underlying cause of the fear of being alone is self-abandonment.
Imagine yourself as a baby being left alone a terrifying situation. As a tiny child, you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot get food to eat or water to drink. You cannot change your own diaper. Left alone long enough, you will die.
As an adult, this is certainly not the situation. However, if you have handed over to your partner the job of your physical and/or emotional wellbeing, it feels the same as being an...