The Medical Idiot’s Guide To Zombies

The process of zombification has long been the source of many horror stories. Everything from George Romero’s Living Dead movies to horror master H. P. Lovecraft’s Herbert West: Reanimator have put their own twist on the zombie theme. However, most people do not realize that zombies are, in an odd way, quite real.

In Haiti, it is illegal to turn someone into a zombie, which may seem like a ridiculous law. Haitians, however, are raised to understand not the pop culture concept of the zombie, but a creature far closer to the original Voodoo myths that inspired them. There is a particular formula used by Haitian witch doctors for the zombification process, which usually involves the use of very potent, highly concentrated doses of muscle relaxant.

Muscle relaxants and potent anesthetics are the key components of any formula for making someone a zombie. In the context of Western medicine, a concoction is made with the use of a variety of herbs and toxins, most of which involve puffer fish poison or (in some territories) just the right amount of hemlock, to force the body into a very specific state of immobility. The body’s vital signs drop and will...