Nedra, one of my clients, was quite upset when she received an email from her friend, Roxanne, ending their friendship. The email was quite blaming, telling Nedra that she was narcissistic, selfish, and uncaring. Roxanne complained that Nedra just talked about herself and was never there for Roxanne. You dont listen to me. You dont care about me. You are never there for me when I need you.
Nedra was stunned. In her experience, this was not going on at all. I just cant understand how she could see me this way! she told me in our counseling session.
Nedras inclination was to write it off as projection. In her mind, this had nothing to do with her.
Nedra, I said to her, Lets see if we can find the lesson here. There is always something to learn from a situation like this. While this might indeed be a projection, there is some way in which it has something to do with you. Im wondering how you might have abandoned yourself in your friendship with Roxanne.
Well, often I didnt speak up for myself. Roxanne wasnt really open, so I would go along with things to avoid conflict.
So you didnt really take care of yourself in this friendship?
I guess...