In our society the default answer to nearly every question is Yes. Advertising is all geared towards getting us to say Yes – I need that. We phrase our inquiries looking for yes: Would you like more coffee? Would you be interested in joining me for dinner? Would you help me move next week? Would you mind if I asked you a personal question? Do you love me? With such a powerful default answer ingrained in us it can be very difficult to say anything else – often leaving us feeling trapped, guilty, or frustrated as a result.
With such an expected and requested default answer No becomes one of the most powerful words we can use – if we can manage it! With all the pressure though, overcoming this momentum for Yes can be incredibly difficult sometimes.
While it is still very important to make sure we are clear what we want to say yes to it is equally important, if not more so, to be clear when to say no. Specifically the issue here is to be clear about what is important to us. Yes and no are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances – but may yield drastically different results.
Saying yes when we really mean no...
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